Permanent Writer’s Block

Anyone who has written anything can tell you that writer’s block is not some made up excuse. Writer’s block happens to the best of us and even the not-so-good of us. As a matter of fact at this very moment, I have writer’s block. Obviously, I am writing this, but let’s be honest, this is not someone’s best work. I have lost all interest in writing about anything. Maybe it’s because I feel like I have written about everything. As I sit here thinking of what to type next, I realize that there are few topics I have yet to cover. Maybe the topics of mating habits of those little monkeys that are often kept as pets or how to properly clean leather cowboy boots have not been covered by me, but I’m just waiting for the day when I will have to write about them. On that day, I’ll still have writer’s block. I am writing to you all now to let you know that my writer’s block is indeed permanent. How do you know if you are experiencing the same problem? Well, here are some of the signs of permanent writer’s block.

• A rousing game of ping pong in the middle of your article, chapter, essay, or other piece does not clear your head or give you any ideas of where to continue. You simply decide that you will just include something about ping pong in the piece with little or no segue.

• Singing a song that is about irony with no irony involved in the lyrics for about three minutes does not provide you with flowing thoughts for an ironic new sentence but instead makes you very hungry because the song mentions spoons.

• Taking a week off from writing only makes you wish that you never had to think about writing again. You do not come back from the week off with juices flowing and topics and ideas ready.

• The idea of banging your head against your desk for hours on end is more appealing than even looking at your computer screen.

• When people try to make small talk with you, you cannot come up with anything to reply so you simply walk away.

If you have experienced one or two of the above symptoms in your career, then it’s like you have had short-term writer’s block. If you have experienced all symptoms for an amount of time that you lost track of, it’s permanent and you should choose a new profession—or just be like me and keep on writing nonsense, either way.