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Date Last Edited: 04/09/2008
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REGARDING THE EDITING STYLES OF KAREN COLE-PERALTA
AND THE OTHER EDITORS OF RAINBOW WRITING, INC. :
The two brief samples of copy editing below and the accompanying final sample, a partial manuscript analysis, were all performed by me. The first sample you'll see down below shows you one of my preferred styles of editing. But the Comments feature in Word may interfere with the flowing nature and easy visibility of the finished work. I also feel that using red highlights, a common proof reading and copy editing method, somewhat detracts from the "readability" of your fascinating prose. Finally, I feel that making too many liner "comments" -- although they can be quite useful -- may detract from the easy reading of my finished work. It may simply be easiest to rewrite as we go, using neither highlights nor the Comments feature.
Howsoever, you may request from us any method of editing you happen to prefer, including those which you don't see displayed on this page. My most preferred method is to use neither red highlights nor the numbered comments. I feel that it greatly helps the final reading of your work when you can easily see the exact way all of your readers will perceive it, without so many glaring editorial distractions. But if there's another style or current program you happen to like or use, let us know and we will perform that manner of editing. We will discuss this beforehand, and can easily acquire any needed word processing program.
In my second editing sample, "Our Venerable English Language," I use no numbered marks whatsoever, but you can readily view the changes I made with the simple method of red highlights. In my professional opinion you might benefit from the sequentially numbered comments. You'll see those in some of the work that I publish on the Internet, at least in the case of MS Word. It is not at all necessary to use this method of editing unless you request it. When I actually edit your copy in MS Word, you may see red highlighted text boxes along the right-hand margin in the finished piece. These will contain the running comments, which are herein spot-marked in blue. I will always remove these for you when you are fully satisfied with the ultimately finished copy.
Please see what you think of these different styles of copy editing; as previously stated, I prefer to simply make the myriad changes which I feel your highly worthwhile work requires without bothering you overmuch about exactly and precisely what I changed. I am simply certain you will prefer the freshened, better structured and technically perfected finished piece when we deliver it to you. But I am willing to remake any needed changes, answer any questions or put anything back the original way that you wanted it. We will do anything reasonable that you need regarding rewriting, copy editing, ghost writing and/or proof reading all of your work.
Of course, we always will include a final proof reading of your finished copy to make sure there are no errors and that we are in perfect agreement as to its ultimate contents -- absolutely for free.
Besides MS Word, we can also use Corel's Word Perfect Office suite or any other such current program. Different features are involved in different programs. At this point in time, you may also feel free to e-mail us with any questions or concerns regarding our writing and editing services for authors' manuscripts and books - including those concerning our producing or editing your website copy and aiding in your overall website development.
Karen Cole-Peralta
Executive Director
Rainbow Writing, Inc.
EDITING OF A HORROR STORY EXCERPT USING RED HIGHLIGHTS AND THE EDITING COMMENTS FEATURE FOUND IN MS WORD (AS ADAPTED FOR PUBLISHING ON THE NET):
All Done for This Year
Written by "Anonymous"
Edited by Karen Cole-Peralta
Click here
to view the numbered references at the end of this excerpt.
"I suppose you'd better come in." the old woman hesitated, allowing the door of the gloomy house to creek open. She hurried, fast as her frail legs would allow, into another room. Left alone on the porch, I quickly stepped inside.[klp1]
Peering through the dark hallway, I could see the old woman retreating into the room immediately to my left. I reluctantly closed the door, shutting out any rays of light filtering into the blackened house.[klp2] Blindly, I stumbled after her, relying on my hands to feel their way along the cold walls. They led me to a living room partially lit by a simmering fire, whereby sat a man, I estimated about sixty years of age, slowly moving back and forth in a rocking chair.[klp3]
"I'm sorry to impose on you like this, but I lost my way on the moor. I couldn't find my way back home. I saw your house and thought I could stay here until the fog has passed. My apologies if I've disturbed you," I said, addressing this explanation to the old man.[klp4] He merely looked away into the fire, as if he had not heard me. Expectantly, I turned to the old woman, but she too did not acknowledge me. Instead, she sat upon the edge of an uncomfortable-looking chair by a table in a darkly shaded corner, where the deepening shadows grossly disfigured her face.[klp5]
"May I take a seat?" I gently asked. The room remained silent. I took the liberty of perching on the edge of a chair, which I bravely pulled closer to the fire. The man finally glanced at me, but turned away with a look of contempt smeared across his stern face. I had rearranged his furniture, which apparently caused this needless hostility. Nervously, I explained I am usually not so presumptuous, but I was cold, and my feet ached from running across the moor.[klp6]
Without speaking, the man began to vigorously rock his chair, and the woman tapped her fingers on the table in an uneasy rhythm.[klp7]
"You must think me rude," I said, attempting to blunt the harsh atmosphere. "I have not yet introduced myself. I'm Georgina Fox." I waited for a reply. I had expected the couple to introduce themselves, if only out of politeness. But neither one of them acknowledged I had spoken.[klp8]
"My parents will be terribly worried," I continued, troubled by increasing self-consciousness. "We're only here for the weekend, celebrating New Year’s. We’re having a small get-together. You know, like everyone does." The woman only looked blankly at me, the man not even troubling himself to glance away from the fire.[klp9]
"Why aren’t you celebrating? You've plenty of time yet, though. It's still early, it’s only...six o'clock?" I looked at the tall clock in the corner, thinking it much later than the time pointed at by its sharp fingers. Indeed, it was much later; the rusty pendulum had failed to move, and the fingers remained firmly fixed at six o'clock.[klp10]
"Still,[klp11] you will be saying goodbye to 1989? My mother says good riddance to it! We come here every New Year’s, you know. My cousin lives in the village, you may know her, and we…" I was nervously rambling, and perceiving they were not interested in my conversation, I fell quiet.[klp12]
The woman appeared too agitated to remain seated. Rising to her feet, she anxiously shuffled back and forth in the corner, moving towards the boarded-up windows that kept the house from outside intrusion.[klp13]
"I'll leave soon. I won’t stay any longer than need be. As soon as the fog has lifted, I'll be gone. I don't want to inconvenience you," I muttered to myself.[klp14]
"That would be best," the woman suddenly said, standing near the window where she peeped out through a hole in the curtain, "But I doubt the fog will clear tonight. There'll probably be a storm. It'll last 'til the morning, I expect."[klp15]
The man merely sighed, rocking slowly back and forth.[klp16]
"Until the morning? But I can't stay here that long! My parents, what will they think? That I've had an accident, that something terrible has happened. I must be home tonight. I'll find my way. I'll head in the same direction I came. It shouldn't be that far away." I could barely contain my agitation at her words.[klp17]
"Everything's far away from here. You'll never find your way back alone. I doubt you'd make it even in broad daylight, let alone in this weather."[klp18]
"No, I will make it back. You can tell me the way."[klp19]
"No."[klp20]
Brief Critique of Excerpt from “All Done for This Year”:
I enjoyed the characterizations of the old man and woman. Their somber moods set the scene for what turned out to be the beginning of a horror story. The heroine was only briefly characterized as young, headstrong, and timid, but that may be enough for now.
The atmosphere, painted by the detailed descriptions of the old house, helped set and foreshadow the horror aspects of the story. I liked the use of the stopped clock to imply the stoppage of time, and to exacerbate the heroine’s worries about getting home. Setting the piece on a moody moor is also an excellent touch, and remains a classic horror story setpiece.
The structure is a little belaboured, with some time taken to get around to the first horror sequence, but it helped set the tone and create a background which I assume will be referred to later on in the story.
The narrative technique needs some work, especially some extra touches and minor corrections to make it flow at a more even pace. I found it a tad too descriptive and gothic, but this is a horror story. The prose style is decent enough, again requiring some work on syntax and several grammatical changes to help it along. The author draws the reader in well enough to the story's actual point, which is to keep the reader guessing and deeply enthralled. Ending this chapter, I am left wondering about and anticipating what becomes of our young heroine, manifesting an element of suspense, which is highly desirable in this particular type of fiction story.
Karen Cole-Peralta
Executive Director
Rainbow Writing, Inc.
[klp2] Split a run-on sentence.
[klp3] Simple restructuring of second paragraph.
[klp4] There’s no need to repeat about the woman; split a run-on sentence.
[klp5] Again, simple restructuring.
[klp6] Simple restructuring.
[klp7] Simple restructuring.
[klp8] Simple restructuring.
[klp9] Restructuring, paragraph blend to maintain flowing pace.
[klp10] Restructuring.
[klp11] Paragraph break.
[klp12] Restructuring.
[klp13] Restructuring.
[klp14] Restructuring.
[klp15] Restructuring.
[klp16] Added a phrase for emphasis.
[klp17] Added lead-in end sentence.
[klp18] Changed wording.
[klp19] Spacing between sentences needs to always be two spaces.
[klp20] Italics can be quite useful for emphasis.
EDITING OF AN ARTICLE EXCERPT USING ONLY RED HIGHLIGHTS:
ONE SUCCINCT HISTORY OF CHANGE:
OUR VENERABLE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
Written by "Anonymous"
Edited by Karen Cole-Peralta
The English language is constantly changing, yet there appears to be certain time periods in which language change markedly accelerates. Such changes tend to occur during periods of great historical importance; therefore, while examining the speed at which language changes, it is necessary to discuss both linguistic and non-linguistic factors. These factors include the rise of Christianity, the Scandinavian and Norman invasions, the Renaissance, and the Industrial Revolution, all of which caused lexical, grammatical, and phonological changes in the English language. Also, it is possible to record periods of immense and rapid change along with periods of gradual, yet equally significant change.
The traditional date for the British arrival of the first English speakers is 449 AD. As Bede recorded, “Three very powerful Germanic tribes, the Saxons, the Angles, and the Jutes” invaded and colonized England, pushing the native Celts toward its northern extremities. The Anglo-Saxon language soon became dominant. It was the beginning of the English language, with a complex grammatical system, a vocabulary, and a spelling style highly alien to the modern reader. For example, sibb (peace), wig (war), mengeo (multitude), and sped (success) are unrecognisable to most modern eyes.
However, if we account for spelling and pronunciation changes, then some OE vocabulary is recognisable: fifteg (fifty), cirice (church), and woruld (world). On the whole, the difference between Old English and Modern English vocabulary is great, a wider gap than in languages such as French and German. Their vocabularies have changed over time, but not to the same radical extent as the English language.
The number of OE words derived from foreign sources is not large, although words were inevitably assimilated via trade. Foreign languages encountered before 1100 are limited to three: Celtic, Latin, and Scandinavian, of which Celtic had the least amount of influence. Indeed, there was great hostility between the Celts and the Anglo-Saxons. The Anglo-Saxons had no desire to learn Welsh or Gaelic, and vice versa. Moreover, the Celts were a defeated people, whose language held no prestige. The Celtic language inevitably died out wherever the Anglo-Saxons were present. In fact, there are very few Celtic influences surviving today, apart from place names, such as London and Leeds, and a few names of rivers, such as Avon, Thames, Dart, and Trent, since a need for these was immediately felt by the Anglo-Saxon invaders.
Unlike Celtic, Latin was perceived as prestigious because of its connections with the Roman Empire and the Christian Church. Cup, dish, and cheese are examples of early Latin assimilation into English. About fifty early Latin words were brought into OE, which is not particularly impressive and does not suggest a rapid change in vocabulary. As R.C. Bambas suggests, communication between peoples was slow and difficult. The Anglo-Saxons were illiterate, stubborn, and slow to change their ways.
A much larger body of Latin entered the English language through Christian conversion, which began taking place in 597, a century-and-a-half after the arrival of the Anglo-Saxons. This was an event of major importance, as the previously illiterate English were taught literacy by Latin missionaries. The religion required words for new objects and ideas, which OE could not supply. Consequently, many Latin words were adopted for this purpose: abbot, altar, mass, minister, monk, nun, priest, and pope. Also, a number of native Germanic words were adapted to the Christian context, such as God, which had a traditional pagan association; Easter, the pagan spring festival; and godspell (good story), now gospel. An estimated 450 Latin words were introduced through the missionaries. This may seem relatively few, but these new words spread quickly among those who converted to the new faith. A more significant number of Latin words would be introduced during the Renaissance.
Scandinavian had a noticeable impact on OE. In the eighth century, the Vikings, closely related to the Anglo-Saxons in blood and language, began a series of attacks on lands adjacent to the North Sea and the Baltic. England suffered a period of Viking raids beginning in 787 AD, followed by the arrival of a Danish fleet of 350 ships in 850 AD containing large armies which plundered the entire country. By 869 AD, the eastern part of England was largely in the hands of the Danes. In 1014 AD, the English throne was taken by the Danish Canute, who ruled for the next twenty-five years.
There are over 1,400 Scandinavian place names in England, suggesting the extent to which the Scandinavians settled and consumed the country. The suffixes -by, -thorp, and -thwaite, meaning farm, town, and village, such as those found in the names Derby, Whitby, Althorp, and Applethwaite, are all Scandinavian in origin. However, the number of Scandinavian words initially infiltrating OE is relatively small. The early invasions were hostile, and there was little intercourse between the Anglo-Saxons and their Viking enemies. Nonetheless, other early borrowings were related to the sea-roving and predatory Danes, such as cnearr (small warship), dreng (warrior), batswegen (boatman), orrest (battle) and ran (robbery), words which reflected the Anglo-Saxons’ negative view of their invaders.
It was not until after the Danes had settled down peacefully with the English that Scandinavian words entered in large numbers into the language. Many of the former Vikings became farmers and intermarried with the English, adopting several of their customs and beliefs. Old Norse was thus so similar to Old English that intercommunication between the two peoples would not have been difficult. The Scandinavians were probably absorbed into the general population, so language changes logically occurred. This does not show itself all at once; in fact, there was a delay in the appearance of Scandinavian words in English texts.
An estimated 900 words relating to everyday items and basic concepts entered into OE. For example, there were Scandinavian nouns such as bank, dirt, egg, leg, root, seat and window; adjectives such as awkward, ill, loose, rotten, sly, and weak; and common verbs such as call, die, gasp, get, give, and take. Many English and Scandinavian words were used side-by-side; the survival of one over the other was a matter of mere chance. In the cases of think, sorrow, and mist, the English terms survived instead of the Scandinavian terms attlen, site, and roke. On the other hand, Scandinavian words sometimes replaced their native equivalents after the two had long remained in parallel use, as pointed out by Caxton. In the close of the fifteenth century, the English found it difficult to know whether to use the OE term ey, or the Scandinavian term egg. Sometimes, similar OE and Scandinavian words with differing meanings or uses were retained, as is the case with the OE terms from, craft, and sick, and the ON terms fro, skill, and ill. The importance of the Viking invasion is supported by the fact that thousands of Scandinavian words are still part of everyday speech for people in the north and east of England.
Pronouns and prepositions were also derived from Scandinavian; they, their, and them gradually replaced OE’s hie, hiers, and him. Prepositions such as to, fro, and at are also of Scandinavian origin. Also, in terms of grammatical structure, Scandinavian had a major impact upon the English language. Inflectional endings caused confusion to the Danes, and there was a tendency for these to become obscured and eventually lost. The OE third-person singular ending was gradually replaced by the Scandinavian -s. Likewise, the Scandinavian participle ending -and, now modernized to –ing, gradually entered English usage. A number of Scandinavian inflections were preserved as part of English stems, as in scant, want, and busk. During the tenth and eleventh centuries, this large Danish influence slowly made its way into the English language; the century following would see far more rapid changes as a result of the French influence.
The Norman Conquest of 1066 AD had a greater effect on the English language than any event before then, changing its entire course. Some changes were a direct result of the Conquest; others were more indirect, as they were continuations of changes that had already began to manifest themselves. The Conquest pushed things along with greater speed, provoking changes in both grammar and vocabulary. English was reduced from a highly inflected language to an analytical one, and thousands of words from French and Latin were introduced at the price of losing much of OE’s vocabulary. Changes in phonology and spelling also occurred.
The Normans assumed key positions in society, and French became the language of the new upper class, while English survived as the common, uncultivated tongue outside the court. For two hundred years after the Norman Conquest, French remained the language of the aristocracy. Their legacy can be seen in modern words connected with fashion, meals, and social life, derived from the privileged French upper classes: attire, button, coat, garment, gown, lace, and veil; dinner, supper, pork, and spice; leisure, art, beauty, chess, music, and dance.
The most obvious change, as a result of the Norman Conquest, was that of the English vocabulary; by 1400 AD, less than four hundred years after the Conquest, over 10,000 French words were absorbed into English Seventy-five percent of these are still in use. Indeed, this was a period of rapid change. The majority of French vocabulary tended to be in areas closely controlled by the Normans: royalty, government, the law, the church, the military, medicine, and architecture. A few examples of words in these areas include: govern and state; court, justice, and prison; sermon, sacrament, clergy, and vicar; armour, enemy, siege, and lieutenant; royal, majesty, reign, and crown; medicine, surgeon, pain, remedy, and poison; palace, mansion, dungeon, and chamber. The list is nearly endless. In the course of assimilating French words, the English language lost many of its OE words. Pray replaced its OE synonym bid, and trinity replaced threeness. English kings sat on a gifstol (gift stool), but the Norman king occupied a French trone (throne).
Modest Critique of Our Venerable English Language:
It was a little bit dry and didactic, as most textbook and technical writing has an unfortunate tendency to be, but other than that it read as an interesting piece. I feel the average reader would learn quite a lot from it, and care enough to read the rest and learn even more. I would encourage the author, however, to “spice it up” a little with vignettes and facts from the time periods covered by the piece, to give the reader clearer and more lively insight into English Language history. I believe the story would also benefit from nearby illustrations, at least one from each time period covered. Illustrations always help to keep an educational piece lively and interesting.
Also, I was a bit confused by a few conflicting references, such as the one about “Caxton” in the fifteenth century, and whether it was he or “the English” who couldn’t decide on terminology. The author should endeavour to elaborate, and to be more clear about such highly specific details. I would suggest that the writer make everything clear as crystal, elabourating on all important details wherever possible, in order to keep such misunderstandings at their barest possible minimum for the sake of the average and perhaps less educated reader.
Karen Cole-Peralta
Executive Director
Rainbow Writing, Inc.
BRIEF RUNDOWN OF LONG FANTASY NOVEL SAMPLE
Q & A for Val Gunn
partial manuscript analysis
by Karen Cole-Peralta
I wanted to sit down and devote a good length of time to going over the forty pages of manuscript that you sent me. I wrote an analysis, and I'll go ahead and rewrite the first five pages or so of your Prologue tomorrow. I won't answer to everything that I mentioned in my analysis when I write your brief sample, as I'm going to need some more information from you before I'm able to actually write the first five pages of your book. Mostly I need further character descriptions, some straightening out as to which characters should be introduced and used, and much more thorough descriptions and explanations of where various locales, areas and landmarks appear in the general scheme of the book and in relationship to each other.
For now, here's my Q & A oriented partial manuscript analysis.
Q) To begin with, what's the working title of this book? We may want to alter it to suit its final contents, but I'd like to know what you're thinking about right now in the way of a title. If you haven't made one up yet, please try to create something unusual and highly original-sounding. Something very catchy with a "twisted" or perky sense of humor is really good in today's market.
A) Working title: A R-------e of S-----s
Q) Your beginning has a decent sense of humor to start, which leaves quickly when you get away from the aedes insects and enter into the rest of the book. We need to add more of the same aura of joviality you introduced with the biting flies. Just letting it fade away like that is not what the modern fantasy reader usually likes to see. We need more of a humor dynamic interwoven into the general thread of the book, even relieving some of the more serious parts. Comic relief with upbeat, well-liked or even beloved main characters is best, the kind that makes fun of stolid, overused and overly serious fantasy attitudes and props. It never hurts to mindfully poke gentle fun at the fantasy genre, especially in a sword-and-sorcery tale such as this one.
A) Comedic relief – I do not mind it, but would like to keep it understated and to a minimum. Modern style may want this in greater amount, but I’m one that thinks “less is more”.
Q) You used a slightly archaic tone at first which also faded somewhat as the book progressed. Modern fantasy tends to be written in modern English, although that's not always the case, but the more popular fantasy literature seems to read almost entirely in current modes of speech. You don't want your characters referring to words or items which are solely in modern-day usage, but to the best of your abilities you shouldn't really use archaic speech in your book. It's too hard to properly maintain consistently, and it tends to interfere with the reader's close familiarity with both the characters and the book in general. Stick with modern-day speech patterns and "Show not Tell" imagery in the descriptions and overall tenor of the story, and you'll sell the most books that way.
A) Writing style – I would rather you keep a more archaic/lyrical style of writing. Certainly closer to J.R.R. Tolkien and that ilk than some of the other – more recent, fantasy authors. ‘Into the Green’ has the desired style which I’m looking for in this book.
‘Show not Tell’ – I absolutely want you to convey this style.
Q) I like the overall quality of the names you've invented for the characters and places in the book. They all seem original and interesting, and interrelated enough to be realistic. You want your fantasy fiction to contain strong realism in place names and descriptions. Gritty realism is key in today's fantasy market, along with a good sense of humor. You don't want your book to be didactic, dry or boring. You need well-described characters who advance your plot and who interact believably and in an engaging manner.
For adult-oriented (versus adult market) fantasy fiction, you want your characters to be properly sensual and earthy, especially when they enjoy relations with each other. It helps to go as erotic as you can without actually describing sexual sequences. I'll mention more about that later.
A) Character names – yes, I’ve tried to create character names that correspond to the geographical regions and various lands. There are two continents in this world; the northern one is proto-European, while the southern one is proto-Arabic/north Africa. I do not have a name for the actual world as of yet. I am open to any suggestions/alterations on place or character names.
Erotic situations – same as comedic relief.
Q) About your first three main characters, you need more thorough descriptions of them or of any other important characters in your book, insofar as they are important to the action of your story. The book starts out a little too mysteriously about the characters and exactly what their journey is about. You definitely should elaborate there.
Also, here is a good place to describe the layout of the land, at least in a simple format, in relationship to each important place in it. Or if you prefer, we can wait until Chapter One, where a thorough description of all of the place names, kingdoms and locales fits into the general structure better. A map would also be very helpful here. I'll go into that later.
A) Yes the backgrounds are thin, really did not want the reader to get too involved, since they would be killed off. Basically they are high-ranking government officials on a mission to represent the king and kingdom of Ruinart at the Soloncourts of Rumiel.
Map – I will work on a map that can be sent to you, with relevant information.
Q) The characters start out in a rain-drenched forest being bitten by flies, which is a decent enough beginning, but I think you should start here with a thorough description of the forest, saying that they're in the Shadowood of Muiraight if that's where they are--I had trouble figuring this out--and where that is in relationship to the important places in the book. You need to cover more ground regarding the nature of the journey, how Hirin was sent by the King, etc. You shouldn't leave so much open for random speculation, and without being too heavily detailed, you must lay out exactly what's happening here and what the three characters are doing there journeying through the forest.
A) Shadowood of Muiraight – it is a desolate, forsaken place inhabited by the Fuinwath. These are elves that turned to evil and malice. Long ago they lost a kindred war and were banished, twisting the forest into a wicked place.
The men are traveling to the bi-annual assemblies of the Soloncourts of Rumiel. It is on an island many leagues to the west.
Q) How many pages do you want this book to be in length? It will be longer of course when we successfully add the more detailed information to it, and put it in Show, not Tell format. But I don't think it will be too much longer than your current rough draft, as I will also be removing redundant phrases and sections that you agree are unimportant to the advancement of the storyline. I don't think it'll be any more than 100 pages longer than what you currently have, if it's even that much greater in length.
A) Length is around 300 pages or 100,000 words.
End of partial manuscript analysis for client. Due to my being busy with other work, I sent this particular job out to one of our most professional Outsource Team members, who performed terrific work on it.
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04/09/2008 17:28:15